Way of the MILF - Losing Weight Tip # 3

From Sheila Hanlon's blog on women's history. 
Gertrude: My dear Jane, what on Earth is that 
bicycle suit for? Jane: Why to wear, of course. 
Gertrude: But you haven't got a bicycle. 
Jane: No, but I've got a sewing machine.

So-o-o we are all ready to go in our new bras. We are focussing on happy thoughts instead of which flavour crisps to snork down last thing at night. My next tip is Get On Your Bike.

When the doctors (I mean proper doctors what have studied serious medical things, not li'l ole me who only knows how cute your buns are (wink) oh, and how to deconstruct your subject position in the heterosexual matrix <snerk>), er ... what was I saying ... when the doctors used to ask me if I took exercise, I would laugh a hollow laugh. "I am a mom," I would say, and they would go: "Oh yeah, LOL."

a) I had no time to be trotting off to the gym for buns and tums classes. b) I got my daily exercise racing the little piglets on the school run. Why this is what happened on Piglet's very first day at school. There she was, so cute in her tiny school uniform you would not believe it. I thought I would make a video of us walking to school together which I could weep over in years to come. I looked up from the camera and saw that the tiny school-uniform-clad Piglet was already halfway down the road she was so eager to get into the Grove of Academe! All I have got of her first day is a film of a tiny navy blue dot in the distance bouncing up and down cuz the camera is going up and down in my hand, with a voice-over going: "Wait! Wait for me!" 

Here you can see a brave noble Scot 
being given the hand-off by a vicious 
All Black. (Yah of course Scotland
lost that match :rolleyes: but we kept
them in double figures, it wasn't like
a cricket score - there.) 

As I always say, the best training I had for parenting was the rugby. I learned how to tuck a small rotund object under one arm and go for the try, how to do a vicious hand-off to hostile on-comers and how to safely bring down a speeding opponent by tackling round the knees.

However, now that I have completely ruined my knee playing the game, LOL (yah, I would do it all again tomorrow! I loved that sport like no other), I need some other way to keep fit 'n healthy.

People often decide to get fit again by going down the gym. They join up - sometimes at a special time of year when they might have been eating 'n drinking a bit more than normal (yah? sound familiar?) and the gyms are doing special deals to lure them in.

They go very enthusiastically for a while 'n then one day they have a li'l cold in their nose, or something happens 'n they are late getting back from somewhere or something-else happens, anyway they do not make it in for a couple of days. Then a week later they are a bit tired that night, then before they know it, they are not going to the gym at all at all, in fact they feel horribly guilt-stricken as they realise they paid for the damn thing for three months without using it whatsoever so they eat a whole packet of chocolate biscuits to get over the guilt.

Sound familiar?

There is running, too. Some people take up running. Running is v. hard on the knees, sweet thing, 'n one day when you have a li'l cold in your nose ... blah blah blah. And swimming means wet hair so even more cold-in-your-nose-blah-blah-blah.

'Kay there are two ways to make sure regular exercise remains regular, not an annual treat for the gym membership fund. One is to make it part of your social life. If you go with friendies, then you feel bad when you do not show up just cuz you are tired or had a cold in your li'l nose and are more likely to make the effort. This works best if you are playing a sport which they cannot play well without you like badminton.

From Croquetworld.com. This was
not quite what the MILF used to
wear to play croquet; I am not that
old but nearly (wink). 

I like croquet myself. I did once play for my college but regrettably in our very first match we came up against one of my lovers from another college and that put me off 'n my croquet partner was grumpy about it. (Really, dahlinks, he just never forgave me cuz we agreed to go to a ball together and cruise guys, 'n I found one and he didn't. He should not have taken it to heart; it is like looking for snowballs in Hell to find a guy at a ball cuz unlike in Cinderella, everyone acksherly goes in pairs.)

The other way to make sure exercise is regular in your life, is build it into your normal daily routine. It should be part of your life, rather than being something bolted on to your life which can come unstuck.

From Picsto Pin.

See if you always walk to work/on the school run, then you do it whether you have a li'l cold in your nosie or not. You wrap up warmer if you have a cold. Once the exercise is just what you do most days, and how you get around instead of using a motorised vehicle all the time like those people on mattresses in Wall-E, you don't even think about it, you don't need to pay membership or to have special shoes, you Just Do It.

Special shoes for walking
from Insaland.com

You do not acksherly have to get on a bike, LOL. If a bike does not do it for you (bouncing on that saddle 'n giding past an array of shyly admiring dads on the school run with your skirt tucked in your knickers), you c'n walk or use your piglet's razor scooter, whatever.

I particularly love the bike cuz like swimming, it is non-load-bearing exercise - easy on the knees (wink). It acksherly gets me to and fro school quicker than walking and driving. You do not believe me about the driving? Well, you can take li'l short cuts on the bikes which you cannot take in a car. Also, in the car I often have to circle the damn school six times waiting for some other lazy MILF to move her effing car so I can finally park mine. My bicycle has the panniers on it in the old black which I can load up with heavy shopping. Then I can shop in high heels without putting strain on my shapely legs. It is totally eco so the school greatly admire me 'n Piglet when we glide in on our bikes. 

Pigletocycle

Piglet used to sit on the carrier of my bike, LOL. Even dedicated drivers of cars on their way to work would get this soft smile on their faces like, Oh, that is so sweet. Look at that li'l thing in school uniform being taken to school on the back of a bike. These days Piglet is a thumping great karate-kicking football-playing Piglet and so I say she must ride her own pink pigletocycle. 

If you are aiming to lose weight: bike is best. I do not know what it is, no doubt there are studies somewhere that will tell you it is about the anaerobic rate of waving your legs at shyly admiring dads or whatever, but regular frequent cycling does lead to you developing a lean mean muscular frame.

And you can wear black lycras (wink).

Sheila Hanlon's blog again.
Daughter (enthusiastically): Oh Mamma! I must learn bicycling! 
So delightful to go at such a pace! 
Mamma (severely): No thank you, my dear; you are quite fast enough already!