Wednesday, 4 September 2013

The Baron at Feeding Time

From Science Codex
Men like the Baron are amazing. They should be the topic of a proper scientific study.

Acksherly, it is a known feminist insight that we do lots 'n lots of studies on women - ooh, single mothers, ooh, first time mothers, um, how about how girls are overachieving compared to boys at school (overachieving? how about they are just clever?) Doing lots of studies on gurrlzz makes it look like gurrlzz are the problem. Men are invisible and normal, women are being eyed up and considered: what weird things you are. Let us not even think about doing a study on how girls do better at school than boys but women (that would be mothers!) do much much worse in the workplace.

Apparently these lions don't depend on 
their lionesses to hunt for them!
Ah well, I will consider my cat Jeoffrey ... I mean, men like the Baron. Let us consider him when eating. Imagine we are watching one of those wildlife programmes narrated by David Attenborough.

Here we see the Baronial animal approaching the foodstuffs (in the cupboard). He seems confused and anxious. He prowls restlessly up and down the kitchen, opening doors. After fetching out a knife and plate he appears to be unsure what to do next. He glances anxiously several times at the female animal, who is rapt in something on her netbook. 

I believe in this fairyShe 
can make me a sandwich 
any day. 
Gah, it appears the Baron is even incapable of getting that far. He gets into a stinky temper very often because he doesn't seem able to think: 'Ooh, I am getting irritable, did I eat? Maybe I should just make myself something to eat. What would I like to eat? What is in the cupboard that I would like to eat? Next time I go to the shop I must get some peanut butter. Oh wait, I never go to the shops. But if I write it up on the notepad on the fridge, maybe the fairies will make peanut butter appear in the cupboard.'

Instead of just making a sandwich with whatever is around, men like the Baron go: I wish I wish I wish, with their eyes tightly screwed up and they open their eyes and ... there is no sandwich! OMG! They can't believe in fairies any more! All the magic in the world died! God oh God oh God! Maybe if they laugh like a newborn baby a few times? A ha ha ha. Oh dear, they have been so busy at work they have forgotten how to laugh like a newborn baby.

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