Monday, 16 September 2013

A MILF's Best Friend

There it is! the little yellow bottle with the black cap. 

The other bottles are Piglet's water bottles for school. You can see the whole evolutionary range there,from Marie the Kitten to the latest one - with a cup that screws on the bottom of the bottle - so dinky. 

A gurrl's best friend is of course diamonds, but the MILF has just dropped her diamond earring on the floor somewhere necessitating lots of annoying hunting around so she is in a bad mood with diamonds. 

I do not mean BFF. 'Course you have your BFFs (Best Friend Forever), about ten of them, like Piglet does. 

I do not mean 'best friend' like the Barons sometimes say to their MILFs: "oh you are my best friend," and the MILFs think: 'Hmmm, I would have thought you would select someone who likes beer and football as a 'best friend'. That does sound like it ought to be romantic, although I would rather it was accompanied by some roses - and pearls (since I am in a bad mood with diamonds).' The MILFs feel bad about it cuz they do not think of the Baron as a 'best friend', but as a partner. The MILF's best friend is that one person in the whole wide world who is like her twin soul and shrieks with glee when they manage to get together and likes the same things she likes and will eat cream cakes with gusto and snigger if the MILF says: "Hey, let's go get some halloumi cheese, make a salad and sit on a picnic rug reading Byron and Shelley." Me 'n my best friend had the best times going out to parks in London. We would sit down the minute we could find some grass so we could immediately start eating the yummy food we had brought along before reading poems to each other and then going for a nice walk with the food in our tumtums instead of having to be carried in bags on our backs. 

Ever Build. Just buy the littlest
bottle, dahlink. The dinky one.
And the MILF's best friend is also wood glue. 

Never mind that stuff you can put on your nails that makes them unchippable (although if you have the brand name, dahlink, slip it in my stocking top - wink). What you want to keep the li'l smile dancing on your pretty li'l lips, is wood glue.

As you can see in my above illustration, there is a longrunning dispute between myself and the stupid shelf-thing to the side of the sink. In the first place, that is a silly place for a shelf and it gets bunged up with all sorts of rubbish: empty milk bottles washed 'n waiting to be put on the step for the milkman, medicine waiting to be taken to the chemist to be disposed of, etc etc. (The medicine lives on the shelf below so as not to contaminate Piglet's water bottles and stunt her growth.) Secondly, that decorative balconette railing thing is always floating free of the actual shelf-thing and so the Piglet water bottles, milk bottles, and bottles of redundant medicine all fall out of the shelf and scare the pussies. Well, a pussy that is jumping in the air with its hair bristling on end and claws sticking out is not a pretty sight! So my best friend the wood glue has to be quickly applied. (To the shelf, not the pussy.) 

I do treat this as an opportunity to have a li'l clean out. I give the shelf and stupid decorative balconnette railing thing a wash and I sort the old medicine bottles into a plastic bag which I leave lying around forgetting to take it to the chemist. 

Here is another v. recent application of my best friend to the problem. Only last Saturday, I grasped the knob of my cutlery drawer and the whole front of the drawer came away in my hand. Well, when I take hold of a knob this is not the sort of thing that I like to see happening at all at all. Drawers should not be dropped when you pull on a knob. Er ... except in special circumstances of course, ... y'know what I mean, shut up at the back there, stop giggling. 

Anyway, it happened on the night the Baron was going out to a boring work party (so boring that I refused to go) and Super MILF had come round with her piglet for a sleepover and Phoenix Mum was there with her Egg, so I did not have time to empty out the cutlery drawer of the knives and forks and chopsticks and li'l chopstick boxes, clean the drawer and mend it reelly carefully. I just swiped some wood glue on and - leaving the drawer with all the cutlery still in it - I pushed the front of the drawer in with the knob sticking back up again nice n' shiny (will you shut up and stop giggling!). I did not even have to press on it to hold it together while it stuck and it is all fine and feisty now! I can pull on that knob and push back and forth all day long if I want to. How fantastic is that wood glue. 

No I do not have time to pull on your knob too. Pull up your drawers yourself. I have a Baron who doesn't do anything around the house already, I have no need for a lot of cubs with jobs needing to be taken in hand . (What are you larfing at now? Sheesh!) 

Er, where was I. Oh yes. See how well the wood glue works! Sometimes I try it on things that are not reely wood. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Suck it and see, as I say! (Not the glue. Don't suck that.) I have other glues of course, especially plastic glue but I have lost faith in that cuz it did not mend my diamante sunglasses (sniff). (Do not sniff the glue either.) 

1 comment:

  1. Acksherly this is me, Naoko Smith, posting as an Anonymouse to show HP how to do it.

    How to post anonymously, that is. Judging by some of the jokes he tells on the board, HP does know how to do 'it'.

    Hmmm? No, I am not writing a post about that! I do the research on Sex and Relationships Education very seriously under quite a different name and it involves a lot of condoms and bananas and I need my bananas to feed to Piglet after karate. :rolleyes: