Tuesday, 27 August 2013

The Noodle Mom

Kataulia's Japanese Ramen noodles
One cool new development in identity politics is that most categories which people divide other people up into are all coloured over with diversity.

From The Urban List.
They love their mums (wink). 

It was prolly the feminists who started this off. Poor ole things. They started saying: "This is the situation we women are in and it is wrong!" Then a bunch of the laydees got up and said, "Excuse me, Mrs. You are only talking about the situation of white middle class heterosexual able-bodied laydees. When you say you are trapped doing unpaid labour in the kitchen, you do not describe the situation of black women - lots of whom are trapped doing exceptionally poorly paid labour in other people's kitchens - er, who is that taking your kids to the playground while you come on the feminist protest march?" So the poor ole white middle class able-bodied heterosexual feminists got a mite embarrassed (and blushes show up very well on their complexion). It was a good thing in the end, 'tho, cuz they said Sorry, and the other laydees said, "I don't care, that was rude," and there was a big row during which we all learnt to think ve-e-ery carefully about diversity.

Nowadays there are not even working mothers, part-time working mothers, first time and single mothers. There are all sorts of mothers, my dear!

Let's not talk about the MILFs just now, LOL, cuz that is another story. ('Kay maybe I will tell you a story about a MILF at bedtime if you are very good (wink). I will tuck you up nice 'n firm 'n give you a li'l goodnight kiss, 'n say: Wet, er I mean, Sweet dreams, sweet thing. No no, spanking is off the menu, I only give out stickers.)

So-o-o what rich diversity of moms are there nowadays?

From Christian mommy blog
Well, there is the Helicopter Mom. She only has one piglet and she is pretty intelligente so she goes along allowing the piglet plenty of space in which to explore and develop its truffle-hunting skills. She hovers just within reach so she can swoop in if anything amiss should occur - or the piglet should spot a really fine Belgian champagne truffle.

LOL, this review
suffers humour failure
Then there is Tiger Mom, as celebrated by Amy Chua in Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. This is acksherly a joke book, Prof. Chua wrote it with her tongue in her cheek. Unfortunately lots of Caucasian people read a badly summarised article about it and thought it was a proper serious blueprint to bringing up your child the strict Asian way. So some of them rushed to torture their children with what they think is Chinese style upbringing and others shouted a lot about how horrible Amy Chua was to do that to her children and everyone missed that she was laughing up her sleeve.

Published by
Random House
There are yummy mummies and slummy mummies. And there is the way of the slut which is what I aspire to on my Anthropological Mum blog.

Unfortunately what I really am is a Noodle Mom. What is a Noodle Mom? Well, here is a scene from the infamous Japanese film Tampopo which will reveal all.

Yah yah, LOL. I will be cooking fucking food for my family with my dying breath. If I am ill people come to my bedside going: "Where is this? How can I do that? Couldn't you just get up and make my sandwiches and iron things for me, then go back to lazing about in bed after I have gone to work/school?"

Noodle Momminess can be seen at its sacrificial best when done by Japanese women, who are trained in its subtle subjugated verbal skills from birth. But there are more Noodle Moms around than you would suspect, my dear. Exhausted woman weeping as she attempts to bring up children with one hand and have sex with husband with the other? Five will get you ten she is also cooking when she ought to be recuperating from illnesses in bed ....

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