Saturday, 29 June 2013

Screw It! (More piccies of my pussy - wink.)

Shoes
'Kay yah. There are things in a MILF's life which are accessories, and there are things which are utilitarian tools. LIke, I went to get a new mobile phone the other day, and I am like: "Don't waste my time telling me all about something Smart yahdayahda, cuz I do not care. I do not want to spend time comparison shopping for a phone, I want to spend my time on shoes." All I want from a phone is that the school should be able to call me if Piglet bit some other piglet, and I should be able to text the Swiss Army wife if I saw a mega bargain out in the shops so she can rush down and buy one too. Oh, and I want a camera. So yeah, I agreed to pay a little bit more and get a 5 pixie camera. 

Pic from Macrumors
'Kay, it's true. Once I did have a phone that was also an accessory. It was a silver Samsung. It was the exact same silver as the neat silver laptop the University had bought me. My student came running in one day and said: "Yo! there is a silver sports car in the road outside. You must get the University to buy it for your company car, cuz it exactly matches your phone and laptop."  LOL. (I'm afraid they never did.) 

Recently I decided that as well as a plunger (every MILF needs a plunger - not for when she blocks up the sink with tea leaves but for those rare occasions when the Baron does a bit of washing up and fails to put the strainer in which catches all the yuckity tea leaves and bits of potato and rice from the saucepans). As well as a plunger, I needed some screwdrivers. And I bought a Harris knife too, yah, That was an accessory (wink), you can read about it here


The Sweeney. Pic from
 Live for Films
Well, dahlinks, the Baron does not notice much in the kitchen. Like when I moved out the pippity ping (that is Welsh for microwave oven), it took him three days to notice it had gone. And it was his pippity ping. It was huge and it was, like, brown. It was 1970s brown. It was the sort of brown that was slouching in the corner of the kitchen, saying: "Shut it, you slag! Get your kickers on and make us a cup of tea." Yet the Baron did not realise it had gone for quite some time.
However, when I bought a set of Stanley screwdrivers (reduced! so a bargain), and hid them slightly under some old copies of academic journals, the Baron immediately zoned in on them. Realising that they were a superior brand, he said mournfully: "You could have used mine." Yah, yah, I am very practised in keeping a straight face these days so I said, "Gosh what a shame, never mind they were a bargain on special offer." 

So-o-o, really I bought the screwdrivers to take apart the pippity ping and give HP the magnets. (That is a whole other story .) However, the first use of them was to build a maternity suite for the Whore of Catylon, that slag who is stuffing her face with expensive extra cat food in my kitchen. I had tried putting some boxes and old quilts in a quiet spot in the linen cupboard, but y'know the Whore - she is a young thing and likes to party. So she did not take to the quiet spot. Instead she tried to crawl under the kitchen cupboards into a teeny tiny space there. 

The Whore is a little slim thing. I mean, here she is at an advanced stage of preggers and still looking so good in her little black outfit that it only proves black is going to be the next black. I am in fear and trembling that she is going to struggle with that load of overfed kittens who are developing so well in her tumtum. I want her to be in a spot I can get to if there is trouble with a capital yeow. 


OK, so I blocked off the space under the cupboard by pulling back into place the board that is meant to be there (but when you mop against it, it falls down so after a while you don't bother to put it up again unless someone is coming round to survey and value your house). Then I took the door off the cupboard above the little space - this is where the screwdrivers came in. (I will tell you a little secret (wink), I did not actually use one in a colour that matched my outfit, I actually used a Phillips with the proper size head. I let Piglet do the job cuz a gurrl can never learn too young to handle tools like a man. Yah yah, you can see the Baron's face, can't you just, if I said, "Oh I let Piglet use your screwdrivers.") I put the boxes and quilts in there in a fetching set up that would attract any party animal. It was lots of fun, I mean very hard work. 
Courtesy of IStockPhoto.

Here are a Phillips screwdriver (top) and a flathead screwdriver (bottom) in the new black. What? No no no! I am just referring to where they are positioned in the photo, not advising on which role in a Dom/subordinate relationship they are most appropriate to, sheesh! BTW, you can get magnetic screwdrivers and that is quite handy cuz the screws sort of stick to them. The little ones can be annoyingly difficult to pick up with long fingernails. 

Here is the feline maternity suite Mach I:




But no no no, Madam was not interested. She turned her little black nose up at the boxes and quilts so nicely arranged in the cupboard. We tried a different arrangement of boxes, no. Then brilliant Piglet said: "Put the door back on." Cuz the little minx was forever trying to climb into any cupboard with a door left half open, all amongst the china and glasses. We did that and Hey presto! the Whore was suddenly going, Gosh, what a lovely birthing suite, I think I will move in here instanter. She still shows interest in the space under my bed and some other spots but she climbs in and snugs up in the cupboard very often. We block the door open with an old catfood box taped to the door with parcel tape. It leaves a space just big enough for her tubby tum to glide in. 



1 comment:

  1. Quick update: the kittens were born last night. There are five at the moment, and possibly more on the way. :)

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