Wednesday, 26 June 2013

A Typical MILFy Day!

 (Not.) 




Bluebells and wild garlic.
(
: u James!) 
As a rule I like to keep Tuesdays as a kind of day off. I only do cleaning and things I wanna do. (I skived off for the whole day a month back, picking wild garlic with the Swiss Army wife.) Anyway, the relief from multitasking is seriously like stopping banging your head on something the builders took out for you with their macho sledgehammers - even though the surveyor said it was retaining and they shouldn't (wink). 

Well, to start with there was a work thing which I had to keep an eye on. These things only take 20 minutes of your day - 'cept that those 20 minutes are all spread out in 5 minute blobs and you have to spend the whole day thinking: 'Ooh, should I go and check my work email about that thing.' 


Inscrutably serene MILF.
Pic from The Original Web-Wise-Wizard
Then it came out that Piglet's teacher had shouted at her for no good reason, and said she was lazy. Well, naturally I preserved my usual inscrutable look of serene indifference. Particularly since I had already had cause to go into the Piglet Academy and complain officially about this preceptress. 

Gah, instead of putting on some scurfy cleaning outfit and slobbing about with a mop, I had to go all cashmere, linen and pearls. Cuz there is no snob like a teacher, dahlinks, and when you have cause to make clear to a teacher that you expect your piglet to be treated better, you are a lot better off going as Dr. Smith than as some MILFy housewife. I usually courteously refrain from saying: And I do research in education, BTW, so don't try telling me shouting is a useful pedagogic method, cuz in all my years of literature reviews I have never come across a study that said that. But today I had seriously had ENUF! 

I mean, you try getting two bicycles, a violin and a Piglet hopping with excitement at the prospect of a rubbish teacher being savaged by its mom across a step which must not be trodden on because it has only just been bedded back in by the neighbours' builders. 


And I had lost my diamante sunglasses. What is a MILF without her accessories? I seriously need them for my hayfever (for some reason wearing sunglasses helps with the sneezing, itchy eye and can't think clearly thing Cool). I was wondering about going down the doc's and getting a prescription, although even here in Wales with our fantastic socialist government who brought back free prescriptions, I think I prolly wouldn't get diamante sunglasses free. 

By the time I had left the Piglet preceptress weeping in the corridors of cultivated ignorance, and blurted about same to the Swiss Army wife, and gone back to the school with a forgotten water bottle, and emailed the Head Mistress to get her on side, it was bloody mid-morning and not a sink had been wiped nor a floor swept. 

Time to check the work email then. 

At least I made sure I lovingly wiped the black sealant round the bathroom sink and bathtub. (Y'know, HP, it seriously does look better than the mildewed cream one. Smile

Checked work email, went and got even more cat food fetched Piglet, cooked really nice tea (since I got paid today). It is the day for Piglet's kayaking lesson, so I didn't expect the Baron back till later. I said to him there was some spaghetti bolognese sauce in the fridge - that is really nice. OK, it's true, it's not quite as nice as fillet steak (mmm!) but it was proper homemade. Anyway, he turned up and hung around the kitchen looking wistful but I was very good and did not say, "Oh well, I will make your tea for you then." 

Yah, yah, of course I regretted this later. 


Pic from second Nanny McPhee
film, at Rotten Tomatoes
It's a kind of tossup which is a more fun spectator sport: the piglets doing synchronised swimming or the kayaking. See, the kayaking does involve your piglet being overturned and suspended upside down in water for a short while, during which time there is no possibility of it going: "Mom, mom, where is my ...? Can I ...? But all my friends ...." On the other hand, there is a real nice proper cafe at the synchronised swimming leisure centre where you can sit at a table and surreptitiously edit smut. 

Anyway, on the way back from kayaking, I had to drive off the flyover and cut across two lanes of traffic to get into the lane I wanted to be in. You cannot see the two lanes properly in your wing mirror. I could see a car coming too fast along the inside lane but I knew if he slowed down to a proper speed I could get in the gap so I cut him up. Yah! what a bad-ass MILF, LOL. Then he starts sounding his horn off, and I am like, Honey, you are half my age and I had breakfast today, and I gave him the finger. Man! you should have seen him go off then! LOL. Normally I would be like, OMG! and shaking at having committed such a vile grievous traffic offence, but today I am not in the MOOD! When we got home, Piglet goes, "I thought about doing the Whatever W, Mom," And I am like, "No need, Piggles, no need. What I did (out of your eyeline, cuz I am a mom after all) was perfectly sufficient, believe me." 


Meanwhile, the Baron had still not cooked his tea. Yah, yah, eventually he comes down and starts cooking it while I am (finally!) trying to wash the floor. He put the sauce in the milk pan and the spaghetti in the tiniest saucepan so that it was all sticking out the top . He left it cooking until I was obliged to shout: "Your sauce is burning!" or risk losing my milk pan (bloody Le Creuset, dahlink - not the silly orange milk pan, the proper useful one, it is my LIFE!) 

Don't worry. He left me the washing up to do. 

(At least Piglet found my sunglasses Cool.)

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